Day Thirty-Six: The king is nuts

Another week, another dollar.

I wish I made more money, diary. It’s a good thing Libby covers most of my bills, ‘cause I’d probably have to survive off kitchen scraps filched from Robert without her wages.

This week started off pretty strange. Eve is still being celebrated as the hero of the realm, so the next two days are dedicated to honouring her. Honouring... my one-month-old child.

For killing an army of goblins. By herself.

Eve has already accomplished more in this kingdom than me. I’ve even heard that the king wants to get her started on training other up-and-coming knights. I personally think that’s a bad idea since she’ll probably rip them to pieces, but that’s just me. Either way, this is a situation I doubt most fathers ever have to face.

I haven’t seen Eve since last week, so I guess all my daddy stuff won’t be happening any time soon. I think she has a nurse or a nanny or something taking care of her now, when she's not brutalizing foreign powers. She doesn't need me anymore.

That’s life, diary. Crappy, stinky life.

Anyway.

It turns out that the king had planned the goblin raids. Kind of. He announced this morning that he’s friends with their king, and in order to keep both sides’ troops on their toes they arranged a little war. King Jeffrey just didn’t know when King Gok would come calling. I guess that makes sense... more or less... though it did mean that a bunch of our soldiers and a bunch more of their soldiers got killed... bizarre training, I say.

Now that everything's been smoothed over there’s a small entourage of goblins in the castle, touring the place. I guess King Jeffrey was keeping us secret from them so they wouldn’t know the layout during the attack, but now he wants everybody to be extra nice to the envoys. A bit of a switch since we usually stamp out any goblins we find. How can I tell whether one is an envoy or a thief? Is there a difference when it comes to goblins?

Who knows. I guess I’ll find out in the next few days. Right now, I have to guard the banner in the main hall. It’s got a picture of Eve sewn on it. She’s riding an ostrich. It looks dumb. Lord knows how they managed to sew the thing so fast.

Sincerely,

Dragomir the Guard