Right. I've had a long nap, a not-terribly-hot meal from the Beefiary (the Omega Corps guards are pissed that I 'stole' their armour, and I'm pretty sure they're sabotaging meal deliveries) and another visit from Libby. She brought me some hay, so I can hide you in my cell, diary. She's not a douche like that. Hell, she's a lot nicer to me now!
On with the story. After Captain Cedric knocked me over the head, I had a painful rest until somebody woke me up with a bucket of water. When I opened my dewy eyes I was here, in the dungeon. Kneeling in front of the king, a royal guard on either side of me, holding me up. The king didn't look happy - but he usually doesn't look happy, so…I wet myself, just to be certain.
"Is this the man who wrecked Castle FlipFlop with his idiotic shenanigans?!" King Jeffrey bellowed. A big vein stuck out on his forehead, and when I looked at it he slapped me.
"Yes, sire," said The Baron, stepping out from beside us. "Dragomir, was it?"
I nodded.
The king slapped me again. (Didn't hurt, though. He's got some limp wrists. Captain Cedric puts him to shame.) "You scared my children! My court! My dragon! You'd better have a damn good explanation, villain!"
I tried to ask how the king had a dragon, of all things, but he hit me again, so I just sagged.
The Baron came to my rescue. "As I recall, your majesty, Dragomir here was sent out to fetch a cure for the foulfungus outbreak. Weren't you, young man?"
I nodded. Another slap. Part of me wanted to bite the king's fingers, but I knew I'd get skewered on the spot. What the hell kind of hero's greeting was this?!
"That was over weeks ago!" the king yelled. Slap, slap, slap. "I barely even remember what happened!"
"We bought a bottle of cure from a passing merchant. Shady fellow. Cost us a fortune, but it fixed everyone up in an instant. Sent the castle into disarray, though."
"Yes! That damned green tornado thing! What good is something like that if I can't ride it? I can't one-up Gok without an exotic mount! If I can't use one, then I CERTAINLY didn't need a second from THIS fool." Scowling, the king turned away. "Anyway, kill him or something. I'm bored."
Before I could scream that that wasn't at ALL fair, which was truer than anything I've ever known, The Baron ushered the king off to one side. They whispered back and forth for a minute, and though I couldn't hear everything they said, I distinctly heard the words "project", "Lord Knight Eve" and "better things to do."
The king sat silent for a minute. Then, eventually, he nodded, signaled to his guards and left. They dropped me and followed. Before he went with them, The Baron leaned in close and said "You're sentenced to the remainder of the week in this cell. After that, you can resume your old post. Thank you for your diligence, Dragomir the Guard."
So now I'm in jail for a couple days. My body's so sore, even after my rest at June's, that I don't mind. I get lotsa visitors - not all of 'em happy, but still - and I don't have to guard anything! And there's no gobliny nurse tryin' to get all up in that! Yay!
A little miffed that I'm not getting credit for saving the castle but happy to be home anyway,
Dragomir the Prisoner
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