Day One Hundred-Five: High as a kite, or perhaps an airliner

I survived Jeffmas, diary! And I got the king a present, possibly his favourite! And I found Apocalyptor! And I thought up a NAME that's BETTER than Apocalyptor!

And I… discovered something that's vaguely unsettling! Big day. Crazy and pants-drenching overall.

I managed to get into the east wing of the castle early this morning by, uh, 'accidentally' knocking one of the king's Jeffmas banners onto the guards watching the hallway. They took so long getting untangled - the banners are HUGE, and they're always falling over - that I had lots of time to run through. Take THAT, Omega Corps.

The east wing is really weird these days. It used to be like the rest of the castle, but now all the work areas are covered in thick layers of dust. I can tell nobody's been in most of the rooms for ages. That's not true of the main corridor, though, and I got so curious about the floors that WEREN'T dusty that I followed the path -

- and eventually came across this huge hole! It was so weird! The spot where it's dug used to be a storehouse, only now all the supplies have been cleared out and the floorboards ripped up. Now there's just scaffolds and digging tools and wheelbarrows and all that sorta stuff. The hole is pretty damn deep, deep enough that it's got a ramp built along the outer edge so workers can get to the bottom, but I can at least still see the bottom in the torchlight.

I probably woulda thought more about WHY it was there, but something strange happened, diary. I got… drowsy. REALLY drowsy. The more I looked at the hole, the woozier I got… until, eventually, I blacked out.

Didn't collapse, though. That would have been bad, since I was at the edge of the hole. But when I woke up?

Had a pick in my hands. I was at the bottom, working away, chipping through the ground. Trying to go straight down.

You have to understand, diary, that this freaked me out pretty good. Wouldn't it scare YOU? To, like, mine in your sleep? I was so damn tired, too, so I must have been doing it for HOURS. My arms felt like pudding. I wonder how much longer I would have worked. Maybe forever…

… 'cept something interrupted me. A little nibble on my backside. Woke me up in mid-swing. And after I shook off the feeling, the buzzing in my head, I looked around - and there was the dragon! Just a tiny little thing, hovering in place and watching me. I swear he looked concerned for me!

Then I decided to go back to work again. It seemed like such a good idea, and I started to black out.

Nope. Dragon wasn't having that. Before my vision could fade I felt a tugging on my shoulders, and I heard an ungodsly screech, and then I was being lifted into the air! The pick fell, I howled, and when I looked up I saw Apocalyptor above me, flying, growing to his full size, me dangling from his front claws.

We went up. I still wanted to dig, to pass out, but the dragon kept going, screeching as loud as he could, and then the ceiling collapsed as he burst out the top of the castle. I just barely had enough time to recall The Baron saying that Apocalyptor's wings were useless before we hit the cold air.

And then? Whirling. I don't think Apocalyptor's wings work terribly WELL, diary, 'cause once we were up and over the castle he was swinging all over the place, doing all sorts of crazy cartwheels and flips and such. I'm pretty sure my vomit formed a nice spiral pattern during one barrel roll; hope it didn't ruin anyone's day.

He had a hell of a time staying up, and I couldn't do a whole lot in his claws, so we both watched the ground come flying up towards us. He did one last, wide loop to avoid slamming into the snow head-first, bringing us low over the Neck and sweeping out over the plains -

- and right over, and into, the middle of the Jeffmas gathering around the queen's tree. The whole castle had formed a big line in front of the king's throne beside his queen, and they all scattered when they saw a dragon with a mullet zooming in towards them. Tossing me on his back, Apocalyptor stretched his wings, came in close -

- and slid to a stop, a giant snow furrow around him, in front of the king. I went flying into the snow, so I didn't get to see his expression, though at the time I was afraid he'd be ordering my head removed once his royal guards got me out of the snow.

Far from it. The king was absolutely giddy. He said that was the best trick he'd ever seen, and that it was his favourite Jeffmas gift of the season. He even patted me on the back! Never been touched by royalty before.

Well. Actually. I guess Logan's touched me. And the queen stole my diary that one time, so… and I remember King Gok came into my cell once, back in Goblinoster, and poked me with a stick… does that count…?

But yeah. I'm alive, and I've been lauded by the king, and I helped bury half of the Omega Corps in snow, and I've been removed from dragon duty - the king has renewed interest in his pet, and will be leaving one of his royal guards to keep watch from now on - and I've thought up a name for the dragon! Ready?

Ready?

… Barrel!

Y'know, because of all the barrel rolls. That spinning tunnel vision is all I can see whenever I look at him now. So he's… Barrel.

… yeah.

Sounds lamer now that I've written it down. You won't judge me, though, diary, so what do I care? Barrel. I like it.

I'm back home, now, snug in bed. The king gave me the day off. He also said he's giving me a 'special duty' next week to reward my good work with Barrel. I hope it's warmer than standing in that damn tower, though I will admit that I'll miss my scaly friend. Maybe he'll transform into a tiny dragon again and come visit? I wouldn't mind that. (Also wouldn't mind the thought of a royal guard freaking out when his dragon goes missing.)

Enough from me. I plan on sleeping the rest of the day. Maybe that way I can forget about that hole in the ground…

… 'cause gods help me, I can't get it out of my mind when I'm awake.

Sincerely,

Dragomir the Guard