Sneaked a change of clothes into the tower today, diary. Now I can get all dressed up without Captain Cedric seeing me, then change back to normal when I leave! Perfect plan.
The castle's looking right festive these days, diary. The servants are busy putting up huge banners covered in King Jeffrey's face, usually accompanied by a picture of a gift box. And a plus sign. And a heart. So, like:
Jeffrey + Gift = Heart
I don't know my math, but that seems pretty simple.
I still don't know what I'm getting the king, diary. I've been thinking it over, but whenever I come up with something it's always a gift idea that somebody ELSE has. For example, I told Libby this morning that I'd decided to whittle a little wooden statue of the king, but she said she's already doing that! And full-sized! I can't compete with a freaking carpenter, let alone my wife! (Mine would probably look like a shapeless lump of wood anyway. I suck at whittling.)
And when I ask around on my shift? Everyone else either has a good idea, or it's… just… standard. Food, or specially-made weapons, or money, or weird stuff from other lands, or… or… or. Apparently one merchant's gonna give the king a stuffed unicorn head he picked up while abroad. That's too awesome to beat, diary.
Sigh.
I hope you're not cold, diary. You're up here with me and Apocalyptor tonight. I needed the company, and I figured I could use the time to figure out why I can't write in all those blank pages in the middle of you. Y'know, the ones that appeared during my trip to Goblinoster? The ones that reject my quill? You know. They're in you.
Don't have time for that so much, though, 'cause Apocalyptor is active! I've been bringing him rat snacks every night, and he's really warmed up to me. Perks up whenever I come in and gives me a few licks after I toss him some tarts. I smell awful for the rest of the evening, but it's nice to have a pal. (Besides you.)
He needs a new name, though. Apocalyptor is awful.
Sincerely,
Dragomir the Guard
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