Day Five-Twenty-Nine: Crime and Punishment

The criminal has been caught! And it's not even Friday yet! Which means, naturally, that I don't know who it is! Of course I don't.

Today's continued investigation brought with it a great deal of frustration, mounted upon the existing frustration from yesterday. I couldn't find a damned thing linking a member of the crew to the prankster. I checked every cabin, every section of Engineering, the entirety of the Neo Beefiary (it could be Bora, you don't know), all of Command, the observation deck, hell, I made Daena stop the Dauphine from rolling for a little while so I could check all the cannons and the hull of our home. Ain't nuthin' in this tin can that hinted at the identity of the culprit.

I was not in a good mood when I came to bed this evening. Libby was in a fouler mood, mind - she's stopped growing, for the most part, and she's almost wholly incapacitated - but I gave her a run for her money. We sniped at each other a few times, she rolled over to sleep, and I, eventually, followed her lead.

I was awoken maybe an hour later by a monumental CRASH. A crash, and, quite loud in the echoing silence of the Dauphine, a shriek of terrible rage.

I leaped out of bed in an instant. Libby, suspended in her pregnancy hammock, tried to do the same. Instead she rolled so violently that the whole hammock came down. I left her to flop onto my bed (I'm not strong enough to lift her heavy ass when she ISN'T pregnant - that girl's got too much muscle, she does) and sprinted out into the hallway, ears open for signs of a struggle.

I caught them with ease. They were drifting up from Engineering, bouncing heartily up the stairs into the Neo Beefiary. Not sure what the hell was going on, I ran for the Beefiary, for the steps -

- and was stopped by a diminutive figure in a dressing gown.

"Hello, Mud." Celine waved. She was standing in front of the stairs. "It's a lovely night, is it not?"

Ignoring the question, I moved to brush Celine aside. I thought she was just being her usual, weird self - until a pair of arms shoved me back, onto my butt. The hands disappeared back into the darkened rafters over Celine's head.

She tutted. "No, no. You have to ask for permission. Otherwise, we would descend into anarchy. Anarchy is the realm of pranks, don't you agree?"

I got to my feet, glancing about for signs of Celine's ninja comrades. They were, as usual, already gone. "Celine, what in the hell -"

Another scream. More cursing from below. Then, suddenly, silence.

Celine smiled. "We have caught the perpetrator. They will not be bothering my father again."

I goggled at the little girl, confused. "Wh… what in… what?"

Her smile grew. "Your investigation was lacking, Mud. I carried out my own. The criminal has been caught; they will now be punished. You can see them in the morning. Not before." She turned to walk down the stairs.

"Wait!" I clenched my hands. "You… what're you gonna do…?"

A single, triangular eye turned back to stare at me. It belonged to someone far older than a little girl. "What we do will be commensurate to the crime. No more. I will bring you the criminal in the morning. Leave now, Mud, and do not try to enter Engineering, for your own sake."

A chill buzzed in my guts. "… but… Celine, please, whomever it is, don't… don't kill them, or…"

Celine continued down the steps, no longer looking at me. She waved. "Don't worry. My father is not dead; therefore, the criminal will not die. Justice calls for equality, after all…"

She vanished into Engineering. I heard no more noise from the decks below, and I warned everyone else who'd come out for a look not to go down there.

Cripes. That girl is scary.

Sincerely,

Dragomir the Wanderer