Ugh. I’m exhausted, diary. I got almost no sleep last night, and I never did find out what was squeaking. Maybe it was my armour...? I doubt it, ‘cause I wasn’t moving around, but... well, okay. Yeah. It was my armour. That’s the ticket, diary, that’s the rub.
Armour.
AND SPEAKING OF ARMOUR
Today was a little more eventful than the last few days of journeying, diary. First off, not long after I left, I found the wreck of one of the goblins’ wagons. It was stripped clean of weapons, which is fine since, y’know, I can’t use the damn things. I did find some leftover supplies, however, including food.
Problem is, the food was made of insects. Guess I was right. I was getting kinda sick of the yak tarts Robert gave me, so I tried some of their grub paste. I’ve had diarrhea ever since. Don’t eat strange bugs, diary, that’s an order.
On the plus side, I did find something I hadn’t expected: royal guard armour! I’d heard that one of the big boys from the Omega Corps was killed during the fighting, so I guess the goblins managed to steal his armour without the king knowing. Apparently they also left it behind. I don’t get the logic, diary, but I don’t question goblins anymore. They’re bug-eaters. So I put on the armour, which is much better than my own, and covered it up good with a cloak so nobody would see the difference. Kept my old spiked cap, though, ‘cause I’m partial to the Viking look.
Maybe I should learn to punch stuff. This armour has some nice gauntlets. Hmm. Punching doesn't involve a weapon, so... but do these gauntlets count as...? Shit, there they go. Slipped right off. So much for punching stuff.
But yeah. Today was much more active. I got attacked by a pair of mongooses, but Philip came to my rescue by tying their tails together. They rushed off in this hilarious spinning run thing. I couldn’t help but laugh. They still managed to scratch up my new armour pretty good, which is too bad – I’d wanted to bring it back to the king looking nice and clean. Maybe that would make up for the whole infecting-the-castle thing?
Maybe not? Sigh.
Only other thing to mention was a colony of zombies off in the distance. They had ragged tents set up, and their fires were blazing away. Could see them from quite a distance, which is fine with me. I don’t wanna get near zombies. Rumour is they’re frightening beasts.
I’m off, diary. I’ve got my ears plugged with bits of leather so I don’t have to hear that squeaking again... or Philip’s armpit farts. I didn’t know ghosts could make armpit farts, but he somehow manages.
Sincerely,
Dragomir the Adventurer
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