Two things today, diary. One good, one bad.
We'll start with the bad and work our way up.
The animals attacked us several times
yesterday, and assaulted us twice overnight. The daytime-to-evening excursions
weren't that bad, and the first overnight attack 'round midnight didn't hit us
hard, but the one at 3 am… woof. We're in danger of being overrun, and the
blasted animals seem to know it.
Edmund and I were on watch at the
barricades we've set up near the periphery of town. They're not much more than
hastily-constructed bundles of wood fitted with pole-mounted crossbows (which,
naturally, I can't fire), but they're nicely lit with twin torches, and with
the moon in the sky illuminating the snow we can usually see things coming from
quite a distance.
Assuming, you know, those things come from
in front of us.
The previous animal attacks had been land
attacks, and we were confident that they'd remain land attacks. So Ed and I
watched, we chatted a bit, mulled over possible causes for all this shit, and
waited for our shift to end. We both looked forward to bed.
Only had an hour left before blissful sleep when the sparrows
came at us.
In my experience sparrows are chatty little
bastards. They sit in trees and squabble with each other. They're not stealthy
birds. So for this giant flock of the little peckers to swoop in FROM BEHIND THE
BARRICADE and catch us completely unawares… yeesh.
Edmund took the brunt of the attack,
because he was closest to the torches. The sparrows dove at him in a great
wave, over a dozen clawing and pecking at his face and chest as they swooped
past. A single sparrow nick can't do much, but a ton of 'em at once? Not good.
I received similar treatment, though I'm also a bit quicker on the uptake than
Edmund, having learned early in my career as a guard to curl up into a ball and
wait until danger is gone. Plus, y'know, I have a bit of armour on. Certainly
helps when vicious fluffballs are trying to get at your vitals.
The sparrows dove again, again and again,
each time trying to get at Edmund's bleeding face. He took a slightly braver
stance than me and grabbed one of the torches, using it as a deterrent to drive
the sparrows away. This worked to a degree, and it certainly kept us busy, as I
joined Edmund in torch-waving. (Guess they don't count as weapons? I knew I
wouldn't hit any of the birds… all in the head, diary, all in the head…)
Unfortunately, the birds kept us SO busy
that we failed to notice the wave of boars and goats tramping across the field.
We didn't have nearly enough time to warn any of the defenders sleeping in
Pubton's sparse houses that their help was needed, and by the time the first
boar hit the barricade Edmund was a heaving, bloody mess and I'd wet myself
three times.
That's when our fortunes changed. That's
also when I discovered our way INTO the forest.
When I said we had failed to alert anyone
to the attack, I fibbed. Just a little. Fact is, there's one person in Pubton
who never sleeps, who's always alert to troubles. Most of the time he passes
moodily by 'em, but not this time. No, because of the scope of the mess, he
flew right into the middle of the fracas, perhaps intending to cause as much
mischief as the animals, probably not knowing that his presence would, in fact,
drive them away.
Yep. Philip. Ol' deadhead Philip appeared
from nowhere and hovered over our heads as the main wave arrived, pointing and
laughing eerily at Edmund and I. He can't talk when he's not around rats, I
suppose, but he's plenty good at mocking us anyway. He taunted and taunted,
wavering with the torchlight -
- and the animals ran. The sparrows squawked
and bailed, the boars squealed and turned back, the goats blinked their crazy
horizontal eyes and ran for cover. In moments we were alone again, Edmund and
Philip and I, bewildered and pained and, in Philip's case, definitely
disappointed. (I don't think he likes Pubton very much.)
Wavering in incoherent irritation, Philip
faded away. I helped Edmund into the pub, where Bora patched him up. (Girl's
got a good head for medicine if we ever lose June.) Ed's bedridden, and we have
double the watch out, some watching the sky, some watching the forest. Can't be
too careful.
But I have a plan.
I have an idea.
I just need Philip to help me…
… and I think I know how to get his help.
Poor Ed. He's so scratched up. Hope he
recovers soon.
Sincerely,
Dragomir the Mayor
Oh sure, suddenly there's birds. Thanks for ruining THE BEST PLAN EVER. Already dug a buncha holes, now they're useless.
ReplyDeleteYou mean you weren't expecting them?
DeleteDude. Hitchcock's been warning us for years. Whenever I move into a new apartment, after mapping out my Zombie Apocalypse plans, my next priority is preparations for the Bird Apocalypse.
I own a ball peen hammer. I have never made a damn thing outside of shop class way back in high school. Get at me, Zombies.
Hmm... We need to built some sort of... Net catapult. Catch a flock of them, eat for a week.
ReplyDeletenice post
ReplyDeleteI respect wild animals in every regard, and I will rarely venture into the wild without good knowledge of the place. You did a good thing to run, but I am sure running won’t be helpful in other scenarios, such as a bear encounter. See some tips here: http://wildernessmastery.com/survival/avoid-wild-animal-attacks.html
ReplyDelete