Day Three-Fifty-Two: Of all the goblins in all the towns

Before I get started today, I wanted to share a weird little posting I found on the news board in the pub. It's kind of a 'Wanted' sign, though without pictures:

'WARNING!

A man has been sighted in Doughnton County hurling boulders into the air. He has destroyed several houses and killed or injured at least twenty people. 

The man is described as medium height and medium build, with long brown hair, facial stubble, ragged clothing and no shoes. One of his eyes is covered with medical rags. Witnesses report that he travels with a platypus. Anyone who spots this man is cautioned to stay away from him, and to report the sighting to the Doughnton County Constabulary. Rewards for his capture will be posted shortly.

Signed,

DCC Warden Troys'

I asked around. Turns out Doughnton County is somewhere in the Imperium. Dunno how this notice got all the way out here, and I doubt we have to worry about the guy, but… still. Hope to hell he never comes here! We don't need boulders raining from the sky, lemme tell you!

Enough about that. On to Allofusmas! We had our name drawing today! Everyone who wanted to participate gathered 'round the golden tree, under a big banner with 'Allofusmas' stitched into the fabric (though, uh, it was spelled 'Allusofmas'… close enough, I guess), and we took turns reaching into my floppy hat to draw names. I went last.

My luck… was not great. I got Grylock. 

Don't get me wrong. Grylock's been a lot of help since we set up Pubton. He's a diligent worker, seldom complains, is good with light smithing, knows how to track with his nose REALLY well, and shares good advice on town building. He's a seldom-mentioned but vital asset.

But he's also such an asshole.

Take last week. We'd successfully conquered Evangelina, Barrel was missing, and we were headed home. The trek back to civilization was fairly quiet, even though June assured us we could be as loud as we wanted with the animals freed from Evangelina's control. (She took back our cool medallions, speaking of which. Boo.)

Grylock was the only one to speak up, and, unfortunately, he directed his conversation at me. "Wonder where all that wine came from."

"Wine?" I murmured, my mind occupied with other things.

"Yeah. The wine. On Barrel. Used ta keep me from findin' him, I guess."

"Oh. Right. Wine." I shrugged. "Maybe she, like, stole it from Pagan. Or something. I dunno."

"Yeah." Grylock sniffed, then grinned. "Heh. Wine. Barrel. Wine barrel."

"Huh?"

"Get it? Wine barrel?" He nudged my leg. "Wine… barrel?"

I got it. I offered a weak smile.

Grylock seemed to think I wasn't understanding the joke. "Wine barrel. A thing in which you put wine. You had lotsa 'em back in the castle. You know? Wine barrel!"

"I get it, I get it."

"I don't think you do!" Grylock scrambled in front of me and blocked my way. "Wine barrel! He was covered in wine, and his name was Barrel, so he's a wine barrel! It's comic gold, ya petty human fop!"

I tried to nudge him aside. "Grylock, c'mon, I get it. I'm really tired, we're really tired, 'n I'm kinda… depressed about Barrel, so -"

"Wine barrel!" he repeated, stomping the snow. "If you're feelin' so down, why don'tcha get a snifter from the damned wine barrel! He's got lots! Lookit the siiiiiize of that wine barrel!"

Libby stepped in to shut him up, and the argument escalated from there. You get the idea. Grylock's an ass. What kind of present do you procure for an ass? I'll have to think about it while I go about my routine this week.

On the plus side, I get to go about my routine with GRAYSON! Everyone's busy with other stuff, and Libby's hard at work on her present - I think it's for one of the hunters? - so I'll be toting Grayson about on my back. He's not so little anymore, but I can still carry him in a backpack. Here's hoping he doesn't do any weird stuff while we're strolling through the town.

Sincerely,

Dragomir the Mayor