Day One-Twenty-Three: Possible exaggeration

I've got it, diary! I've GOT IT! I'm so brilliant. I'm above brilliant! I'm, like, scientist-of-the-Imperium-with-a-research-grant-and-a-big-house-and-a-corvette-and-wait-a-sec-what's-a-corvette brilliant! I have an answer for the spike problem!

I was sitting on the moat, minding my own business, staring down a nasty-looking water spider - I figured they can't scare you if you scare 'em back, though judging by the look of the spider it wasn't too frightened - when I sneezed. I sneeze a lot, 'cause I'm getting kinda sick with all this time spent outside, my ass frozen to a moat. Blame me? No.

And when I sneezed, my eyes got all watery, and I blinked away the tears to try and see better. Happens all the time - only this time I flicked some of my tears off on the moat. And though they formed only these teensy, tiny little pools, I could see them freeze, adding a liiiiiittle bit more ice to the moat.

That was it. That was the moment. Eureka! Gods give me inspiration! I knew what to do! Why chisel spikes when you can make them on the ice?

I got back inside the castle through the barbican, insisting that I had something real important to tell The Baron, and that he'd flog the guard on duty (it's Bernard, by the way - bastard hates me as much as the damn captain) if I wasn't allowed in. I didn't talk to The Baron, though: I went straight to Libby.

Libby works in the baileys with the rest of the craftsmen and women, sawing wood and making new furniture and doors and stuff for the castle. When I ran up she was busy with an order of shovel handles - she's been making a ton of 'em lately.

"Libby! Libby!" I cried, happy to see that she had a huge pile of wood sitting near her.

She fixed me with that evil, douchey glare of hers. "What the hell are you doing here? You're supposed to be at work, not messing around. It's been a while since I smacked you, you know…"

"I know! I know! And I miss it a lot." Sarcasm. "But I need help with what I'm doin'. Can you make me a bunch of little containers that look like… um… well, spikes? You know, like ice cream cones. Pointy ice cream cones. But spiky!"

"What the hell are you on about?" She looked ready to flog me with… actually she doesn't need anything other than her fists to flog me silly. "This better be important. I'm busy. More shovels, more picks, more…"

I explained. If she made me a couple dozen little spike containers, I could fill them with water from the castle's water supply - we have tons, since ice is getting melted and turned into drinking water all the time - and let 'em freeze. Once frozen, I just have to knock 'em out on the moat, then add a little bit more water to fix 'em to the ice. Voila! Spikes!

Libby worked hard to find something stupid about the plan, but in the end she gave up. "Yeah, okay. They aren't gonna be cones, though - I'll make 'em little pyramids. That's easier to do, 'n won't eat up my OWN time. Come back in an hour."

And, sure enough, after a visit to the Beefiary to warm my bones with a few yak tarts and a beer, I found a dozen of the spike pyramid thingers waiting! Tried 'em out, and though it takes a while for the water to freeze, they work like a charm! The snow even helps out in the process, 'cause I can shove the containers into the snow banks to keep 'em upright.

I'm a genius, diary. A DAMN GENIUS.

Sincerely,

Dragomir the Awesome